What? You did not just quote family guy!!!!

You know what really grinds my gears?....People who have those funky anger problems. You know? For example, they stay silent all morning while little things piss them off again and again, till they blow up. The kind of people who hide there anger for years, and go mad at the age of 45 and become serial killers. So, you know what really grinds my gears? People like me. I had this scary revelation last night while sitting on the fouton watching "The Barefoot Contessa". I sat there watching her (even though I hate her guts) as I unnoticingly clentched a milk chocolate coin tighter and tighter thinking "I hate this show, I should change the channel, why am I even watching this?" and then "Why is my had so sticky?"...I had not only melted, but completely squished the poor little chocolate. I am an unstable human being....I noticed that today.

So, after a crazy whirlwind two weeks where I hade no time to breathe let alone think, I'm back into my regular routine, and having come down off an incredible two week high, I'm back in to my "funk" aka depressed out of my mind. I almost bawled my eyes out today becuase my mother texted me and told me she had deposited 12 bucks into my checking account, and I now have just enough money to pay the credit card bill. I hate it when stuff like that happens...reminding me that someone bigger than all of this worldy crap is in control. My mother had no clue how much money was already in my account, nor did she know that I just got my bill..... I don't believe in chance. Gah...almost crying just thinking about it.

I'm also out of cigarettes...with no extra money to buy any. I suppose all things considered, thats a very good thing. I can practically hear my lungs singing for joy :P

ok...going to go find a corner to cry now :)...Fuck My Life.......

Well, I was sitting, waiting, wishing.....

ahhhhhh....sigh...I love a good day off. The sun is shining, I slept like 10 hours last night, had a great lunch at the cafeteria...(I know right? Pigs must be flying somewhere!) And I'm heading to my first day of work study in like 20 minutes. Life is pretty much good. I'm very broke right now, but that will turn around soon, I have cable...which is the bread of life obviously, and alcohol...which is the...drink of life? Maybe...

My computer has been reassembled, and smells amazingly like cranberry mandarin whenever I open it :) and a few keys stick so if we are ever chatting online, friends forgive me.

As I type i am hungrily gazing at the halls of school street looking for a smoking buddy...cause smoking by yourself is never fun, tho sometimes necessary. meh I have 7 minutes before work...so I think I will have to smoke by myself...unless some smoker has avoided my searching gaze and snuck outside without me!!! Oh the horror!

I am so very excited and happy! Let us hope this mood stays continuouss! ( and hopefully I will update again within the next two weeks with some very very exciting news!!!!!! we'll wait and see)

*sigh* Parting is such sweet sorrow...but cigarettes and work study are calling me from afar and I must away to answer....*wink*

back in the saddle again.....

Well, back to school in Montpelier! Do you miss me yet? Although I miss my family in their respective ways, I'm glad to be back on my own, rooming with a good friend, and having a space of my own. Classes start bright and squirrely in the morning, I'm in the kitchen at 8am tomorrow morning for my first class, a banquet and catering class. Wanna hear a fun story?
Last night, Beth (my roomie) and I were watching a movie, and I went into my room to put jammies on and be comfy...when we heard a funky "clunk" noise. We both ran into the living room to see what had happened, aaannnddddd.....a lit candle had fallen straight onto my open laptop filling the keyboard with melted wax. Yes....Fuck my life, It basically sucks :) So my friend and I spent the next two hours popping letter and number keys off my laptop and scraping wax off the floor, walls, and keyboard. We gave up around midnight and went to bed....a project I will have to finish tonight!

I was just pondering with a friend, as I sit here in the School St computer lab...Do we dare brave the cafeteria for dinner tonight? I will lay a 10 to 1 bet that we have talapia in some form, and the rest is up to fate....and cheap cafeteria food buyers........yyyeaaahhh.

I am seriously considering nap when I get home, I didn't get enough sleep last night....I was a little drunk.... I seem to find myself more and more enjoying the company of my Smirnoff's :) Beth at least finds it amusing! well, heading home....to hope the cable guy comes, and then dinner, and couch shopping....ah, the life of a culinary student....or just, the life of me :)

Take care my loves.

You, You never looked so good, sipping life down like I wish I could...

Farewell to me!!! I'm leaving in exactly....4 days :) (had to count on my fingers there...my brain is wearing an "out of order" sign) Last night was my farewell party, and boy oh boy was I trashed! Started drinking about 8pm with my buds, and went to bed after 3am...we had so much fun, my workmates and I. Drank like a champ, and threw up for my first time...think that's a mile stone there ;) want a list? Here you go, and I'm surprised I remember this....Started with beer, prolly had a bout 4, (we were playing beer pong...which I've found that suck at...I didn't make one cup all night!). Then came the shots...of, um, actually let me find the bottle ha ha... Black Sambuca...a highly viscus, licorice flavored liquor...prolly bout 4 or 5 of those. 40% alcohol by the way. hmm...then a mix of lemonade and sweet tea vodka, bout 3 shots of that...then various shots of Bacardi Razz, and straight Sweet Tea Vodka..and I know there was a glass of crappy white wine in there some where. I don't think I would have thrown up if I hadn't mixed all the bear and hard liquor and wine, but beer isn't my thing anyway, I should have requested some gin, but hey I wasn't going to complain as long as someone else was buying my underage ass alcohol hahaha :) As for hangover, I'm doing pretty good, woke up around 8am...hoping I take a nap later. I've got to clean and vacuum, and do laundry, then the rest of the week will be spent packing.

I'm so glad I don't work today, the week was scheduled perfect except for me working Saturday night....kinda made me mad, considering I requested to be done ON the 15th like 5 months ago...I definitely gave them a heads up, but I will make it :) I'm very sad to be leaving, I'll miss everyone (except Chef and the GM). They were all sweet in their own ways, and I know we all loved each other. I was so blessed in that way to get to know and love my coworkers, and have them like me in return. Being very new to living on my own, it's hard for me to make friends and be outgoing, but I made some great friends and was able to lean on them during difficult time, and lend them my shoulder to cry on in return. I know I gained the trust of some great people here, and that is what means the most to me out of these six months of work.

At this very moment, I am falling very, very, very, very, deep in love with Cary Grant...That man makes me want to do unspeakable things....but then there is also James Stewart, and having them both in the same movie (The Philadelphia Story) battling over Kathrine Hepburn....phew.... Cary is so mean and handsome, and James is so tall and sweet...please, somebody bring me my smelling salts! Maybe I'll just change the channel before I swoon.

hmm, I think I will close for now, try to take a wee nap. uh, I just realized that James never intended to take his bathrobe off and swim...and I now I feel sad. Pathetic life I lead eh? Not really tho, I'm actually a vibrant, sexy, woman with a life a king would be envious of *wink* ( And if you believe that...then...Gulible is written on the ceiling!!!!)

Keep safe my dears, and may the road always rise up to meet you <3

...Captains Log star date 4/30/09.....

GAHD!!! I just found out the reason I have been going through so much hell at work. I HAVE A VAGINA!!! Ok, so not as literal as all that, but it is because I am a girl. I know that throughout the years women have fought their way into the kitchen, breaking past the barriers created by the antiquated hierarchy and matching themselves along men, but I never thought I would be a victim of sexism...It's just not something an aspiring chef (namely me) looks at as a big obstacle. I see now that it is still a true concern. The chef I worked under when I first came to this property was very amiable, an excellent teacher, and treated me as part of the team. Not a piece of ass....albeit, a very large piece if you're referring to me *wink* It concerns me that some people's views on etiquette and proper conduct can be so skewed! I'm so very thankful that my parents raised me well enough to know right from wrong!

On a lighter note, I'll be home in just about 17 days, and either have a fun trip to PEI or the prom to look forward to :) not sure which yet, and though I am 19 and a sophomore in college, I have never ever been to a school dance, so there are definite exciting possibilities to going to a high school prom! Yes, my life really is that dull, haha.

I am presently watching Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" and eating Ramen.....with chopsticks.....because I am out of food and therefore doing to one meal at work and a random midnight-ish snack. Such is the life of a single woman, I don't recommend it for the faint of heart :) But I digress. The Birds, when watched from a film buff's point of view, is an amazing feat of a movie, not only does Hitchcock sucede in frightening us again by using the out-of-the-ordinary enemy of birds, which the average person underestimates and takes for granted, but he directed the darn thing with hundreds if not thousands of live birds! The poor actors must have felt real fear!

I have just found out that I must stay awake for at least 2 more hours because Bye Bye Birdie is coming on, and I do not have the fancy shmancy TV recorder programs...sigh...Do not be alarmed or worried dear readers, I Will Prevail, for the good of mankind!

Signing off

Save me, from all the trouble and the pain.....

In the words of Mel Blanc..."le sigh"....This week has been SOOOOOOO rough! And the week looming on front of me looks even less appealing. hmm, where to begin my story...Well, the beginning? All last week I was very depressed (for no apparent reason) but had the 23rd to look forward to, because my very best friend was coming to visit, and I had fun things planned. The weekend was perfect, though I am even broker than I was last week...and yes, I did just create an amazing new word :) But all my money and family issues are a bed of roses compared to this latest development in my freakishly unlucky young life. On Saturday evening, while at work in the sweltering heat of the Gala kitchen, another bomb shell was dropped. I was pulled into the break room by the chef and sous chef and told, that the chef had had enough time to observe me (ahem...he's had one month) and that I'm not doing my job well, I'm a slacker, and he will call the chef ahead of my internship and tell him I'm a slacker and fail me. I have one week to shape up. Needless to say I was shocked beyond words. Anyone who has ever worked with me knows that the verb "slacking" is not in my vocabulary... I bust my arse in the kitchen, and though I told no one of this horrid threat (because I dislike gossip and didn't want it to reflect badly on me) , it somehow got around, and I have been reassured by all the wait-staff that they think I'm the hardest worker in the kitchen. All pride aside, I believe that's pretty close to the truth. There are three of us who do all the work, and I'm one of them... I don't even know what to think anymore, I'm so very confused. I spent all last night sobbing on and off til 5 am, and all of today wishing there was a hole to crawl in and hide. I'm glad my roomie and a friend forced me out of the house to go to Joe's boyfriend's b-day party, which slightly brightened my mood (aided by the alcohol *wink*). I cannot even imagine working hard for six months and getting failed...every time the thought crosses my mind, I go crazy with worry. Yay, update on my life!!! Hopefully the next one will be more positive :) "Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, keep on the sunny side of life!"

"How sweet it is to be..." Oh, never mind

"Loved by you" right, that's how it goes. But not in my life. In all of nineteen years, well that's not quite nineteen years, 'cause ages 1-12 don't count, no guy has professed his mutual affection for me. I am told in pitiful tones by my loved ones that the right guy will come along, to be patient, that those I have loved and lost did not deserve me. I find it interesting that I am such an amazing find in this world, so irresistibly sexy/funny/smart/perfect that no man can lay a hand on me. (Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?) If such is the case, I pray for mediocrity. I want to be so plain and ugly and boring that men will run after me drooling.

As it is, I will continue to be helplessly irresistible, and collect cats and calories.



The rest of the day will consist of a scalding shower, a trip to the co-op and other places of purchasing, and an amazingly greasy, delicious, self-pitying pizza. Ah, lovely, and yes, you may call me crazy cat lady, I promise to live up to the label.